Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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