He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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