I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
