Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
In America we eat man semen.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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