so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
The air was thick with penises
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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