She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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