im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
