Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
