I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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