dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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