i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
