if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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