Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
