Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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