dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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