Your face is a jimmy john
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
