nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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