Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
