we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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