so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I understand Curling. That high.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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