someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i just had sex bonerless
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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