Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize