i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm just crazy horny about you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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