sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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