The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She is in my trunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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