Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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