Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
