Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize