someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
