I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
