I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
