Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
COCAINE IS GR8
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
