As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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