I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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