I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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