lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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