I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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