saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
