yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
