It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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