he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
