dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
