I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
