I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize