If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
