Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
