fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
