arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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