she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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