you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Blood and glitter go together right?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
