I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
