i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
