btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
