"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
