Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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