She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
