you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
