I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
