I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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