You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
