I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
