drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
