i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
