I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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