i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just threw up on my dentist
high people should be assigned attendants
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize