I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
