I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
