So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
