What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
