he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
