That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
