In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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