The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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