once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
It's never too late to be topless.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
