I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize