you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
