My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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